Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
