i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
