Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
This is the high leading the old right now
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
