As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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