I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
