we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
