dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
the liver wants what the liver wants
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
