i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
