He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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