I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
