I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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