My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
