Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
