Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
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I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
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The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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