quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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