also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
