we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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