She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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