If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
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