he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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