I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
