Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
