I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
