Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
