You work out of a Hotel?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
