Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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