i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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