i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
