Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
