nut hugger
You work out of a Hotel?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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