she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
