What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
