my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She's like a pop up book from hell.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
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She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
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I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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