He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
