I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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