im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
