accomplished twins. life is a go
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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