you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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