fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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