Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
