Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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