my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
