THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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