I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
