Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
