She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize