I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
