Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
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