My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
