I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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