you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
