That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
