i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You pole danced in your parka.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
