I've blown a few things in my day
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
