I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
