It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Duck Duck Cougar?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
