Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
