Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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