Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
