Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
