You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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