Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
