so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
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LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
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There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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