kristin has been a bad kristin
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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